Kyle ‘Gus’ Stephan
Kyle ‘Gus’ Stephan, MSW
He/him/his – what are personal pronouns and why do they matter?
Clients I work with: Children aged 2 to 18, families, caregivers/parents, couples, and adult individuals
Issues I work with: Anxiety, depression, parenting strategies, emotional regulation, coping skills, interpersonal and family dynamics, communication, loss and grief, identity exploration, life transitions, self-worth, trauma, trust attachment, defiance, behavioral concerns, and school issues.
The building blocks of your identity are rooted in the relational experiences you had as a child, the world you lived in, the resources available to you, and the challenges life has sent your way. You are a culmination of all the messages you have received about who you are, what or who will be available to you when you are under stress, how to get your needs met, and what is safe and unsafe in your world. As these messages were communicated interaction by interaction, little by little, it can be hard to know how you have developed your strengths, resources, and resiliency, and also your hurts, protections, and limiting beliefs.
As humans, we have an incredible and innate ability to respond to both connection and stress in resourceful and versatile ways. In an ideal world you will have experienced attuned caregivers who helped you organize your feelings as they arose, co-regulated you through the tough moments, and met your needs for connection directly. Where these were missed, your caregivers, hopefully, also knew how to make space for repair and reconnection.
For many of us, our parents didn’t necessarily have such a clear playbook for caregiving. Despite their best intentions, you might have learned that some emotions or needs were not acceptable or tolerable, some needs would need to be met indirectly through adaptations such as perfectionism, people pleasing, playing small or withdrawing, or that some needs might not be met at all and would need to be ‘abandoned’ or minimized.
These patterns of interaction, protection, or adaptation may now be playing out automatically and outside of your conscious intention in your present-day relationships with family, significant other, or children. What may have worked well as a child or teen might not be working as well in adulthood, in love relationships, or in the parenting of your own children.
Research in the science of attachment, family systems, neuroscience, and trauma offers a clear map for understanding human identity formation, the mechanics of creating secure connections, and how to mitigate the impact of stress or overwhelm on adults and children alike. My role is to help you make sense of who you are and how you got here, what ways of relating are working, what is missing, and how to create the relationships you long for. I lean upon my clinical training to serve as a guide, support, and resource along the way.
In my work with children, parents, and families, I am always holding multiple needs. I know that a primary need for every young person is to experience a felt sense of connection and security with their caregiver(s). The behaviors of your child or teen can always be made sense of when you view them through the lens of seeking connection, security, co-regulation, or validation. Most behaviors that are considered disruptive, out of control, problematic, or defiant can be understood as a protest against disconnection or change, indications of a missed need, or a signal that something is happening that is outside of the person’s capacity to cope with at that moment.
I also know that as a parent or caregiver, your heartfelt goals are to communicate to your child or teen that they are important, valued, and loved. You will also be balancing this with helping them to navigate the challenges of life and relationships in ways that promote connection and make space for their unique personality and individuality.
It is incredibly painful to see your child in distress or feel unsure as to how to help them in the moment. This is when we can all be vulnerable to the limitations of our own experiences of being parented, and where our own hurts can make staying calm, present, structured, and empathic feel like a tall order.
I make space for everyone’s resourceful, surprising, brilliant, and sometimes limiting patterns, responses, and adaptations. Together we can explore the ways your map for interaction works and also where it can leave each family member vulnerable to feeling overwhelmed, helpless, frustrated, or misunderstood. Whether you are navigating anxiety, depression, negative self-talk or beliefs, thought distortions, aggression, isolation, life transitions, interpersonal/family conflict or disconnection, loss, or military life – I can be alongside all of you.
I am here to assist you in building a new map for making sense of your struggles and stress points. Through my experience in the field of mental health, I have come to know that behind all painful behaviors is an unmet need. Whether physical, relational, or emotional, you may sometimes find it hard to pinpoint the root of your pain. I am passionate about helping adult individuals, parents, children, teens, and families navigate the sometimes uncertain waters of learning what each of you truly needs, how to ask for it, and how to be responsive to each other.
If you, your child, or your family are struggling, I hope to be a resource to you in a variety of ways. I am here to help you explore emotions, learned thought patterns, and behaviors that may not be serving you or your loved ones as well as they could be. Together, we can build a shared language for talking about your relationships, behaviors, and hurts so that you can navigate the trails and joys of life, together, through every developmental stage. We all need help with building out our toolbox and learning what works for each person.
In my work with couples, informed by Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, I hold a non-judgemental space that promotes curiosity, open communication, vulnerability, and insight. Together, we will explore your relationship patterns, playing out in conscious or unconscious ways, that create disconnections, stress, and conflict within your relationship.
I honor the difficulty, pain, and incongruent nature of conflict with the very person you long to be closest to. Recurring cycles between couples can be extremely taxing, disorienting, and frustrating. I help couples start to see more clearly the dance they are co-creating so they can try new ways of relating to and understanding one another,
From there, I can help you find opportunities for connection, uncover the needs that underpin your dance, and support you to be more open, accessible, and responsive to one another.
I will support you in being the expert in your own life as well as facilitate a deeper and more fulfilling connection to yourself and the ones you care about. I am invested in collaborating with you to find ways to get your needs met and help you better meet the needs of others. I hope to help you move through challenges and develop new coping mechanisms to carry with you after our time together comes to an end. Wherever you are on your journey, I will meet you there.
Through my time training adults in parenting strategies, as a foster care social worker, and through in-home services, I have gained skills and experience in attending to the parent-child relationship. I can help by working with you as a parent and with your child to make meaning of challenging behaviors and emotions as well as offer practical, in-the-moment strategies that are grounded in clinical research.
My experience in wilderness therapy and direct care services has also helped me become extremely flexible, practical, and humble, whatever your family structure, struggle, or lived experience. It is important to me to stay curious about your experience and never assume how you feel or what you have been through. I want to learn what life is like through your eyes and how your lived experience has shaped you, especially with regard to values, spirituality, relationships, race, ethnicity, culture, trauma, or geographical location.
I will offer a client-centered approach and will tailor our work to meet your needs. I also want to be transparent about the models I draw from so can be clear about the lens I will offer. My therapeutic approach utilizes elements of Structural Family Therapy, Parent-Child Interaction Therapy, Family Systems, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, Attachment, Trauma, Mindfulness, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. I enjoy using metaphors, therapeutic initiatives, and enactments to deepen understanding.
I identify as an LGBTQIA+ ally, non-monogamy-affirming, sex-positive, culturally humble therapist.
I received my master’s degree from Western Carolina University after working in the mental health field for eight years. Before that, I received my bachelor’s degree in psychology from Virginia Tech. I have experience in wilderness therapy, public schools, schools for the intellectually disabled, residential treatment, therapeutic boarding schools, foster care, and intensive in-home services.
Gus currently works under the supervision of Alexandria Harz, LCSW. In the event that clients have any questions or concerns about his work, his supervisor can be contacted at: aharz@